I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
