Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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