It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
