drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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