I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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