you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
