"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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