The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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