Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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