Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
