Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
