Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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