I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
