STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
