Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
