I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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