I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
