Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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