i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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