Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
