I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Houston, we have a blender
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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