i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
