dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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