This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
