When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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