Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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