He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
