my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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