I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
