awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
