Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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