I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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