Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
