Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
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If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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