A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize