after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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