WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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