so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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