Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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