I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can you bring me the toilet please
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
