either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
