those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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