you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
