please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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