I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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