i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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