I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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