I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
