I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
