I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
