I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
