Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
