a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
