I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
