i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
