just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
