I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
why do cheetos always look like penises
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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