You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
