Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
