if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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