The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
