so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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