He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
