She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
